Remembering Andrew

One year ago today I gave birth to our son Andrew, who had passed away after just 19 weeks in the womb. The past few days I have been reflecting over all that has happened this past year. I wanted to share Andrew’s story and how he has changed my life. We have wanted a second child for as long as I can remember. When Ryne was 15 months old we got pregnant and lost that baby a few weeks later. We kept trying to get pregnant again, and after a year (and 3 rounds of fertility treatments) we got pregnant with Andrew in the fall of 2010. We were thrilled to get pregnant again and so excited that Ryne would finally have a sibling. Everything looked great for the first 3-4 months. At 16 ½ weeks I went in for an ultrasound, and my whole world turned upside down. We found out that our baby had a condition that he would not survive, and we would lose him soon. Two weeks later he was gone. After 19 weeks of being pregnant, I had to give birth to my son that I wanted so badly to keep. The day was filled with tears, sorrow, and joy, but we felt the peace of God with us and knew that Andrew was in a better place. The prayers from our family, friends, and amazing church were felt in such a powerful way that day.


A few days later we had a small memorial service with our families and our pastor Mark and his wife Sarah. I wanted to share some words that Mark said that meant so much to us:

“Today we grieve over the loss of your child:
□ whose eyes you never saw □ whose ears only knew sound from your womb, Krista □ whose lips could not speak □ whose smile you could not see
But I want you to imagine this in your minds: When Andrew opened his eyes for the first time, he saw the glory of God. When his ears heard outside of the womb for the first time, he heard angels rejoicing. When his lips opened for the first time, they sang out in praise to God. And the first person to ever see that little face smile was Jesus. His bearded face broke into a smile, His eyes brightened, and He said, “I know that face! This is Andrew Elias Hilgendorf.”

How incredible is that! When I think of heaven now, I imagine walking around holding the hand of my little boy who has only known happiness and the joy of living with Jesus. No tears, no hurt, and no sorrow! Amen!

Yesterday I went through my “Andrew Box” because I wanted to remember him. I looked at the few pictures that we have, held his blanket, and read every note, card, and email that our dear friends and family sent us. I was again overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the people that we had loving us and praying for us. Their words meant so much then and now.

I am a different person now than I was a year ago, and I am so thankful. I am closer to God now than I have ever been. In my sadness I clung to Him, His word, and His promises. I have spent so much time in prayer, in the word, and surrounding myself with Christian music. These are the things I know: I know that God loves me. I know that God has a plan for my family. I know that Andrew is in heaven and is held in Jesus’ arms. I know that God is my strength, comfort, peace, shelter, joy, and rock. There are so many Bible verses and songs that have brought me through this year; more than I can share here. I would love to share them with anyone who is interested, along with some great books that I have read.

Through all of this I have wanted to use Andrew’s story to help others. We have already had the opportunity to share our situation with several couples that are in similar situations. Helping others gives some purpose to our pain. We are still waiting to see what God has planned for our family, but I am so content now with all that I have. No matter what life brings we will continue to lean on God and each other and we are excited for the journey ahead!


~Krista

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)